The Five Stages of Finding Yourself
by 22-fall-in-love
Summary: Beca doesn't really know who she is after a run-in with Chloe's ex causes her to do something she regrets: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. It sounds simple, but sometimes, it's not. One-Shot.


**An: So, this was supposed to be an update to Jesse's Girl, and it turned into it's own one shot. Very Sorry. Special thanks to Lisa-k-hall or on tumblr chloes-nodes because, i think her fic inadvertantly inspired this, so check out her stuff too.**

**The Five Stages of Finding Yourself**.

**Stage One: Denial**

Most stories begin with a boy and a girl, a "Once Upon A Time," or, "Long Ago," but Beca and Chloe's story was real life. It was about finding themselves. Life wasn't a predictable book or movie designed for people's entertainment. It was not some happy fairytale where the protagonist gets their happy ever after, the best part, the Hollywood ending. No.

It was reality and not reality as in a Kim Kardashian or the Bachelor reality, filled with falsified drama and overly slutty, prissy, and beyond snobbish people. No, it was real life, the cold hard truth, and the truth was not filled with clichés. Beca wished it was. The truth was the truth- Stone hard and even harder to accept.

It started when Chloe pulled Beca by the hand into their favorite off-campus cafe after rehearsal. They were both laughing, albeit painfully, but still laughing none the less. After what just happened, it was understandable, but they were being too loud and obnoxious. When their laughter and the bell on the café door signaled their entrance, people stared.

They were oblivious to this as always. Chloe and Beca always seemed to turn heads because their behavior wasn't normal. They never noticed; other people did, though.

"Can you believe, Stacie?!" Beca snorted as they slid into their regular booth near the window.

"Well, we are singing Wrecking Ball, and we all know she's a bit…. promiscuous."

"A bit? Are we talking about the same girl?!" Beca shuddered, her face turning red. She brushed imaginary germs off her plaid shirt. "She brought out the foam finger and started grinding on me!"

"Uhhh….. " Chloe blushed, hiding her face with a menu, her thoughts wandering to last weekend. Jesse was at some movie convention and her and Beca went clubbing. They danced together all night. By danced, Chloe meant grinded. Yep, Chloe grinded on Beca and by grinded, she meant, practically dry humped her on the dance floor. Yeah, her inhibitions weren't the greatest that night. Beca seemed into it. She didn't protest. Chloe thought she was into it.

She may have went too far.

"I mean, is she trying to get us shamed on national television?" Beca continued, "The media is still talking about Miley's VMA performance. If we did that, the result would be worse than Posen's puke gate."

Chloe opened her mouth to reply when their regular waitress, a squat old southern woman, came by with a pen and a pad, sporting a large grin at the sight of her favorite two customers. "The usual, you two?"

"Yes, thanks, Gina."

"Oh, anything for you two. Love y'all to pieces." Chloe gave the woman their menus and nodded, giving her a kind smile, before turning her attention back to Beca. It was amazing to see how far she had came since Chloe met her. She went from not caring about a capella at all to becoming a full on aca-nerd. It had been an honor to watch.

"Uh…Chlo?" Beca asked, fiddling with the buttons on her shirt.

"Yeah?"

"You're staring...Did I do something?"

"OH, nothing you can help!" A rude voice shouted from across the room. To Chloe's horror, her homophobic ex waltzed over to their booth, slamming his fists down onto the table.

'Shower guy?' Beca mouthed across the booth. Chloe reluctantly nodded.

Shower guy threw a look at Beca, "Don't mind her drool. She still can't control her unnatural urges, can you, Chloe?"

Chloe had had enough. She shot to her feet, slipping in between him and Beca. Her bright blue eyes were filled with disgust and hatred, "What the hell is that supposed to mean, Tom?!"

Beca looked awkwardly between the two of them, not sure what was going on. The diner went silent, everyone gawking at Tom and Chloe. Some were even filming the scene with their phones, trying not to laugh.

"You know exactly what I mean. It's always been her, hasn't it? That's why you cut me off. You make me sick." Tom shook his head, "Go back to the isle of Fag, and leave this girl alone."

"You're an ass!" Beca said, jumping to her feet. Chloe's eyes widened. Tom was a six foot tall linebacker and Beca, well, Beca was a midget DJ. Still, she stood her ground, never taking her intense gaze off Tom's brown eyes. It was so badass….and _so hot._

"Look, I'm just trying to protect you. When she broke up with me, she told me she was gay."

"_Bisexual_," Chloe corrected, irritated not because he used the word gay, but because he was Tom.

"Uh-huh," Beca nodded, unamused. It wasn't new information. Chloe came out to her the day she broke up with this loser, "And why would I need protection from that, exactly?"

"Unwanted advances…duhhh."

The short tattooed girl scoffed. She took a step towards Chloe with a mischievous smirk. There was a look in her eyes Chloe couldn't read, and it scared her. "Please don't kill me," Beca said in a small voice. In an instant, her hands clutched Chloe's shirt collar, and she crashed their lips together.

They moved in sync with each other. Chloe's mind raced as she tried to cool the warmth spreading through her cheeks. Beca, the Beca she had been crushing on for years, was kissing her. Chloe's hand reached up, cupping Beca's jaw and her other hand found the small of Beca's back, bringing her closer. A very loud involuntary moan escaped Chloe's lips, and she felt Beca's warm tongue enter her mouth. Chloe melted into her best friend, and she swore she heard Beca moan back. Everything went away. This was the hottest kiss of her life. It was just her and her DJ- the café, the homophobes, Jesse, all went away.

Oh god- Jesse. Beca had a boyfriend!

Chloe moaned again, this time because she had to stop. She took a breath through her nose and memorized the feel and taste of Beca's soft, minty lips against hers before breaking away.

Reality hit, and everything came back into focus. Tom and his buddies were making gagging noises in the background, bellowing nonsense about never coming back to the, "effing gay café," before they headed for the exit, slamming the door on the way out. People around the room were gaping at them, wolf-whistling, and still holding up their phones.

Bearing a hole into the floor, Chloe tried to fight down her furious blush. She bit her lip, realizing she had been avoiding Beca's eyes. Though she didn't want to, she brought her eyes up to meet the familiar dark blue ones—the very terrified and confused familiar dark blue ones.

Beca's mouth formed an 'o.' She stumbled, taking a step back in the still quiet café. The only noises that could be heard were from the crickets outside. The audience was too imersed in the situation. They felt like they were watching a soap opera.

Chloe reached out to her best friend apprehensively, "Becs?"

All Beca could think was how turned on she was from that kiss. She was straight, but Jesse never made her feel that way, not from just a kiss. Chloe's a girl, her best friend, a _girl._ What was wrong with her? Maybe she wasn't so straight….she gulped.

_I'm so gay…._

_I'm not gay. _

_I may have tongued Lindsay, but I'm not gay. _

_I'm not doing this. _

_This is not happening. _

_I can't be gay._

Beca turned on her heel, and fled from the café, leaving a stunned and hurt Chloe behind. The embarrassed redhead kept her head down. Not meeting any eyes but Gina's, who pulled her into a big hug, she paid for the meal and walked alone back to the Bella house in tears to find that Beca wasn't there.

**Stage 2: Anger.**

_Argghhhhh! _

Beca punched a brick wall. Stupid, yes. Did she care? Not until she heard an unsettling pop. Yep. She definitely broke her hand, and it was bleeding. Bad. She was going to need stitches.

She hissed as the pain spread through her right hand, and a stream of curse words came from her mouth that from a stranger's point of view, might have seemed a little hysterical and awkward. Beca had a mouth. That's for sure. The banter went something like this.

"Fuck this.

Fuck that.

Fuck the world.

Fuck Chloe.

Fuck me."

She's so fucking stupid. Why had she kissed Chloe? What in her right mind had caused her to do that? She had to be the hero, didn't she? The hero complex thing always got her. It was something she had always had. It was one of the reasons she cared so much about the Bellas now. She could help them. She made them better. Those were words straight from the mouth of Chloe.

Chloe.

She growled a very un-ladylike growl. Okay, maybe it was un-humanlike as well, but she didn't care.

She was irate and didn't know how to handle the situation. She walked towards the Bella house, knowing she needed to be taken to the hospital because she stupidly punched a wall and broke her hand, and the bleeding was getting worse.

A car pulled up from behind her. She heard the door slam, and footsteps running toward her.

"Beca?" An all too familiar voice rang out.

_Why I do even try?_ She asked, looking up at the stars. The whole world hated her right now,that much she knew.

"Chloe," Beca tensed, gripping her injured hand .

She turned around to face Chloe, who had obviously been crying, judging by her puffy eyes and the mascara running down her face. If Beca wasn't in such a messed up state, her heart would've broke. "Thank God. We've been looking for you everywhere….What happened to your _hand?!_ Are you alright?!" she freaked, gripping Beca's forearm, making Beca's heart race and making her arm tingle.

Beca pulled her arm from Chloe, harshly. Chloe looked taken aback, but Beca didn't care, "I'm fine."

"Beca, you have to go to the hospital!"

"I'll call my dad."

"No, we're going now!" Chloe said, gaping at the blood. Beca was hurt bad. "Get in the car."

"Chloe—"

"Beca Mitchell! So help me God, if you do not get in that car, I will call an ambulance!"

"I don't want to get in the car with you!"

"Why, because I'm bi? Get in the damn car!"

"No, that's not—Arghhh—st—"

Chloe grabbed Beca's un-injured arm, opened the car door, dragged her friend into the car, buckled her seat belt, and locked the car.

"You're insane!" Beca barked in disbelief.

Chloe started the car, backed up recklessly, and hit the gas, turning the car down onto the main road. Chloe didn't answer. She just kept her eyes on the road, her jaw clenched, and only took her hand off the wheel to turn on her I-Pod. Taylor Swift blared from the radio.

Beca tried to change the song, but she was met with deranged bright blue eyes that made her stop.

"You know, I could call the cops for kidnapping right now," Beca muttered.

No answer and Chloe visibly tensed up.

"Chloe, are you okay?"

Still no answer.

"Alright then. I'll just sit and listen to your crappy girly music."

Beca sighed, tapping out the beat on the window with her uninjured hand and beatboxing. Chloe tightened her grip on the steering wheel. Each of Beca's actions felt like nails on chalk board.

Then, she began to hum.

Finally, she started singing.

Chloe roared and turned the radio off, whipping her head around to look into Beca's eyes.

"You know what I don't get, Mitchell?!" she yelled on the verge of tears, her hair looking more like fire to Beca than ever. It was scary. " You put up this badass front like you're the bravest person in the world, but when something happens, you run out like a coward!"

Beca decided to play dumb. "What are you talking about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about!" Chloe sobbed, bringing her fist down on the steering wheel. Tears poured from Chloe's eyes as they pulled into the hospital's parking lot.

"I'm not talking to you about this," Beca said, shifting so her back was against the door of the car.

"Yeah, that's right, run away from your pr-problems," she pulled the car in front of the emergency room entrance.

"I'm not running away!"

"That's exactly what you're doing, Becs. You're afraid." Chloe said touching Beca's hand, her voice calm and full of the truth, truth that made Beca snap.

"I HAVE A DAMN BOYFRIEND, CHLOE!" Beca shoved the door open and got out the car, shaking with rage. "Don't bother coming into the hospital, and don't bother waiting up for me! I'm calling my _boyfriend _to come get me!"

"Fuck you, Beca!"

Beca watched as Chloe pulled away crying, trying not to think about how Chloe's touch made her hand tingle.

**Stage Three: Bargaining.**

It's been a week since the incident. It's been a week since she'd been to rehearsals. It's been a week since she called or talked to Chloe.

Chloe had texted her every day, but Beca hadn't responded.

"You okay, Beca?" Jesse said, smiling as he unlocked the door to his apartment, holding Beca's good hand.

Beca nodded, her eyes far off.

_Jesse doesn't make my hand tingle._

_Jesse doesn't make my heart race._

_Jesse doesn't make me feel the way Chloe makes me feel._

"Wanna watch a movie?" he asked, throwing his keys and jacket on the kitchen table.

She looked into those kind brown eyes, and suddenly got an idea.

_Fake it till you make it, right? _

_I can't be gay. _

_People say being gay is not natural, but I am natural…I think._

_If it's a choice, I can choose to be straight, can't I?_

_If I fake it, I'll learn to love him, and it will be alright._

_I can be happy._

_I can be happy without her._

Being conscious of her hand, Beca walked up to Jesse, turned him around, threw her arms around his neck, and kissed him. She felt nothing. She kissed him again and again, but she still felt nothing. His hands didn't feel right around her waist. His tongue didn't feel right down her throat. His body didn't feel right, but she still pressed harder.

Jesse groaned against her lips, "I like where this is going. Someone's feisty today."

He threw off her top, and she pushed him to the bedroom. She just wanted to feel something.

The scene shifted.

It was no longer Jesse who was on top of her on the bed, but Chloe.

Chloe, as naked as the day she burst in on Beca's shower, brought her lips down to Beca's ear, making her feel things, making her tingle, making her squirm, "Do I make you titanium?"

And it all felt right. Everything did. Until reality hit.

"STOP! STOP! JESSE, STOP!" Beca gasped as she felt Jesse sliding her pants down her legs. She kicked him, sending him off the bed and scrambled back against the headboard.

"Beca, what the hell?" Jesse mumbled, rubbing his forehead as he sat up on the floor.

He caught sight of his girlfriend on the bed. Beca was hyperventilating. She brought her knees up to her chest, and sobbed into them, rocking back and forth, slightly, "ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod."

"Baby," he said, putting his hand on her bare knee, "What's wrong?"

She didn't look up, "I'm going crazy, Jess."

"You're not crazy."

"I_ wasn't_ crazy. She _made_ me crazy."

"What are you talking about?"

Beca sat up and pulled on her jeans, "I'm sorry, Jess. I can't be here. I-I can't."

She gathered her clothes and was out the door.

She fled again, leaving Jesse behind confused and hurt.

**Stage Four: Depression.**

_I think I'm in love with Chloe Beale._

"Beca, you need to eat."

"No."

"You've been in bed for the last two days, and I know you aren't sick. What the hell happened with Jesse?"

"Nothing."

"Really, because he's been calling like mad the past two days, you refuse to answer him, and he said something about you going crazy."  
"Amy, stop."

"Chloe's worried sick."

"Just stop, okay!" Beca grumbled, pulling the covers over her head. She shoved her headphones in and cranked up the volume.

Party In the U.S.A….Big mistake.

Beca dissolved into body-wracking sobs.

Fat Amy sat on the end of the bed and patted the back of Beca's blanketed leg. "Shawshank, what's going on?"

_Well, Amy I think I'm gay because I kissed Chloe, and now I'm freaking out because I have a boyfriend, and I'm not sure how I feel about the whole homosexual thing in general. My dad is bisexual, so he won't care, but my mom is a hardcore republican, and I'm basically screwed. I don't want to hurt Jesse, but Chloe is the only one on this planet to ever make me feel things, and I'm pretty sure I'm in love with her. I'm in love with a girl, and I'm not even sure she wants me back after what I did. I pushed her away like I do everyone, so there Amy, that's what is wrong._

Beca just moaned against her pillow.

"What was that?" Amy asked, leaning in.

"Just leave me alone. Go prank call Aubrey or something. Leave me the heck out of whatever you're doing."

"You need to eat," Amy said, chuckling softly, "here." Amy shoved a random plate of homemade lasagna in Beca's face. "Flo said if you don't eat it, she'll be very insulted because in South America, it's an insult to refuse food…. I told her to make it because it was the only way you would eat."

Beca, not ever able to refuse her girls, sat up and ate the food.

"Are you happy, now?" she said, handing Amy the plate as she plopped back into bed.

"No, I'm not," Amy said, her tone getting serious. "In all the time I've known you, I've never seen you this upset…and broken."

"Well, there's a first time for everything," Beca deadpanned.

"The girls are all worried," Amy nudged Beca's leg again, smiling, "Chloe especially."

"Will you stop with the Chloe thing?"

"No, because she told me what happened before you went weird. _Lesbihonest."_

"Don't start that crap again."

"I have to. We've multiplied. CR, Denise, Chloe, and now you…I think Lesbianism might be contagious. Have there been studies on this?" Amy asked.

Beca reluctantly tossed her head back and laughed.

"There's the midget I know," Amy grinned, giving her a hug.

"What am I going to do, Amy?"

"I can call Chloe and have her come—"

"I don't think she'd want that."

The Australian sighed, "Shawshank, she won't stop asking about you. She calls every day. She's afraid to come over. She loves you."

Beca beamed at Amy's words, "I think I'd like that."

"She's downstairs. CHLOE, GET YOUR FLAT BUTT UP HERE AND ADMIT YOUR LESBIANISM."

"Amy!" Beca yelled, slightly appalled by Fat Amy's dishonesty.

"WHOOP, THERE IT IS!" Amy hollered, before bounding from the room.

**Stage Five: Acceptance.**

Beca's breath caught as Chloe entered the doorway, causing Beca to sit up. She was wearing a bright blue button down top that made her eyes pop, jeans, and vans. Casual, but Beca still thought she looked amazing. She smiled hesitantly as Chloe looked at her.

Chloe smiled back, walking to the bed, and sitting down beside Beca, never taking her eyes off her. Beca was doing her best not to freak out, but it wasn't working because—

"Breathe Beca, I'm not mad."

"But I've been a—"

"Bitch….yes, you've been a bitch," Chloe answered, throwing her arm around Beca's shoulders. "Can't argue with that, but you were afraid. We all are at first."

"I was a big one, then."

Chloe shook her head, "No, you weren't." She gestured in between them. "This is a hard thing to accept—you and I."

"You think I would've known," Beca replied, laying her head on Chloe's shoulder.

Chloe giggled, "Why is that?"

"We've never been normal friends, but I've never had many close friends…so it went over my head."

"I love you, weirdo," Chloe said, crawling over to Beca on the bed and throwing her arms around her neck. "Took you long enough."

"I love you, too, Chloe."

"Anyway, this will be fun. Remember when I came out and I ran to you crying?" Chloe asked.

Beca nodded. Chloe came to Beca crying, and Beca held her for the whole day while they ate ice cream and shared their whole life story. She laid in bed with her and watched torturous chick flicks that included, but were not limited to: _John Tucker Must Die, Hairspray, Twilight_, and _W__hat to Expect When You're Expecting_. She didn't do it because she wanted to, but because she loved Chloe. Now, she knew she didn't just love Chloe, she was _in love_ with her.

"Who said I was going to come out, Beale?" Beca joked.

Chloe went red, "Well, I thought—"

Beca pushed the redhead in the shoulder, "I'm just kidding. Gosh, can't you take a joke?"

Chloe shrugged, thinking. She got a light bulb look, "Does this mean I get to hold you in bed while we watch movies?" she squealed.

"I hate movies. They're predictable."

"Not all endings are predictable," Chloe argued.

Beca was about to retort and say they all were, but Chloe looked so breathtaking, she couldn't hold anything back any longer. "You're right," Beca said, before tackling Chloe onto the bed, causing her to shriek.

The brunette bit her lip and tucked a strand of loose hair behind Chloe's ear. She bent down and brushed her gently lips against Chloe's, before pulling back and grinning. "Sometimes, endings aren't predictable. Sometimes, the girl gets the girl in the end."

**AN: Plot Twist: This was a predictable ending Sorry for the typos. Honestly, I look back and this and think, what the heck did I just write? Is it any good? **

**Yes, you may have seen that last sentence on tumblr on the internet, but I assure you it's mine.**


End file.
